


high

by yerimoney



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: F/F, Gen, Self-destructive habits, and part of my depressed!ireneverse, yeah it's self projection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:02:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23758087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yerimoney/pseuds/yerimoney
Summary: today i called to tell you that i'm changing, but i don't think you have enough respect to see me try
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Park Sooyoung | Joy
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	high

the phone rings, and joohyun prays with every inch of her heart that it’ll go through.

 _“hello?”_ the voice on the other end of the receiver asks.

“hey,” heart pounds in her chest with alcohol swishing around in her lungs. “got a moment?”

that’s a flaw, yerim told her once – she always gives out invitations one after the other and never lets anyone read the letter.

but she trusts sooyoung. even as she knows sooyoung doesn’t trust her back. maybe precisely because sooyoung doesn’t trust her back.

a dash of silence. “joohyun-ah,” sooyoung sighs. “get the hell out of the bar.”

“i just need a night.”

there’s spite in her voice as she answers .“i can’t stop you anyway. what’s up?”

there it is, the lump in her throat, closing up any word that threatens to spill out. invitation after invitation and she’s still too afraid to say it out loud. “would you like me better if i was?”

static on the other side. she knows where sooyoung is during this time, she’s normally overworking in the office or preparing to sleep, scourging through a fridge’s contents for any chance of supper. “i don’t think that matters,” she replies simply. “why’d you ask that?”

 _i miss you._ “nothing,” she taps her fingers against the glass on the table, almost slumped over as she struggles to find an excuse. “it’s just been on my mind for a while.”

sooyoung’s way too perceptive for her own good, and the tears start streaming when she says, “please take care of yourself, joohyun-ah.”

the silence drags on as she tries to comprehend that. every crook and nanny, every lilt in sooyoung’s sentence and how you could always hear them in her laugh too, back when joohyun was a good person. “i know,” she manages, guttural whisper barely true.

a sigh. “you know but you’re not trying.”

“i’m trying my best.”

“then i don’t think you know what your best is.”

21\. 04. 2020, 4.18 am

**Author's Note:**

> hi, quarantine has seriously been fucking with my sleep schedule and my mental health. i don't think this oneshot (is its even long enough to be called that) is to cause alarm, so please don't be. i know my last few oneshots are always so worrying but i'm in a better place now i just have inherent self-hatred that forms part of my core personality and sometimes it shows
> 
> this also has been on my mind for a long time now since i've listened to this song (high by 5sos), and it's not supposed to be so short but expansion can come later i just need to express how i'm feeling all the time.
> 
> feel free to leave kudos and comments! if theres even anything to comment on lmao


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